That Darn Agency

My youngest daughter usually thrives on "being good." I have joked sometimes that she came after Sam in order for me to know that God really lives up to the "reward after the trial of your faith" idea.

Last week she was thrilled with her new primary class due largely to the piece of jewelry her teacher gave her. Millie made the announcement that she was now old enough to be a CTR, and then with much fanfare, she twirled around and displayed it --repeatedly.



Since that day we have lost it and searched for it well over 20 times. She becomes frenzied and tearful when she discovers the empty spot on her thumb. The ring (although "adjusted" ) does not stay on unless she keeps her thumb bent.

Lately her behavior has visited the "disobedient" side, and her moods have resembled a roller coaster. When trying to discuss the errant actions, she tells me mournfully, that she can't possibly remember to do the right thing, because she can't find her CTR ring, or she isn't wearing right then. The other day I decided to pull out the "Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down Decision" lecture. "But, Mom" she responded before I could finish, "it's hard when my CTR ring isn't on my thumb."

I was hit with a brilliant idea, "Well, Millie you have been an obedient girl for years before you owned the ring. And even when you don't have your ring, you'll aways have your thumbs." I offer a role-play experience to illustrate more fully the "Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down" idea. She smiles and answers each scenario correctly. I feel like a good and empathic mother.

Today we went to the store in search of a baby gift for my friend in Colorado. Millie ran away from me the minute we entered. She fed green and yellow skittles (the only flavors she doesn't like) to Max who was fussing in the cart. She then put stuffed animals and books in the cart for him to touch with his sticky hands. I took them and the skittles he's been pulling in and out of his mouth.

He begins to yell. She asks me for toys. I tell her, "not today sweetie." She turns up the volume and asks again. My little brain flips through the what to do when a child is misbehaving in public file....Ah-Ha! "I know you're frustrated and I'm sorry, but the answer is No" I say calmly (the broken record technique from Dr. Wells).

After a panicked rush to the restroom she begins in earnest again. Max is inconsolable by this time and my calm-broken-record-voice is sounding more stern. We check out while the cashier tells me that she has children just about the ages of mine, but she has a rule about not allowing them to enter any store with her. I smile. Then I turn and repeat for the zillionth time, "I'm sorry but the answer is No."

In the car, after she has refused to climb in and I have had to forcibly remove her from the pillar at the store's entrance, I say low and cross, "Millie, I am disappointed in choices today." She begins to sob. "Mom, my thumbs really don't help at all. They're just there on my hands and I don't even remember to be good without my CTR ring. It's just too hard."

I know it's wrong, but I sort of wish she'd never been given a CTR ring... this agency and accountability bit is tricky.